Mara McGraw, MSW - Relational Mindfulness for individuals, couples & moresomes
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Ecosex Convergence
How long should sex ideally take?
Embodied Erotic Mediation
This is Happening
Concentric Communication

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Ecosex Convergence

Our relationship with the earth is inherently polygamous. If you and I are both committed to the earth as lover, then you and I are metamours, therefore have a responsibility and tenderness for one another, forming a unique ecosystem from abundant love. Explore more at Surrender - the Ecosex Convergence  https://ecosexconvergence.org/

How long should sex ideally take?

The title of an article recently posted by the dailymail.co.uk. "Ideally take"? Sexuality has been influenced by puritanical fears for over 2000 years. Has sex become a chore on a to-do list we just need to get through to check off the "I'm normal" box? Two "spot on" points in this article based on biology: 1) having sex as often as possible will reignite a stale libido: the more you do something, the more likely you are to do THAT something, building neural pathways and opening the receptors for sexy hormones that promote desire; and 2) variety is the spice of life: the human brain craves novelty. I've enjoyed the gamut of 10 min quickies to day long romps, each with their uniquely exquisite connection and orgasmic satisfaction. I hope you find your authentic pace and live by your own standards and values!

Embodied Erotic Mediation

Increasing body awareness and learning to inhabit all facets of your physical self can enhance your experience of arousal. Developing a practice of this creates new neural pathways that are easily traveled during sex. Intertwine with a partner who is also practicing mindful sexuality and you may experience a "whole-body, fully embodied orgasm". The practice begins with solo breath meditation, moves into five-senses mediations and expands into multi-person breath and sensation meditations. 

This is Happening

The Dalai Lama says "The path of least resistance has no preference". It's reasonable to have desires and wants, but exerting ourselves into strong preferences in terms of "It should" or "It shouldn't" is actively resisting the reality of what is; in s sense helping yourself to a double scoop of suffering. Finding ease in the effort is letting go of expectations and "trying", in exchange for seeing and being in the moment. Not so much "happy go lucky" or "ignorance is bliss" or even "agreeing with", rather, bringing compassionate attention and curiosity which allows you to explore beyond the current discomfort, and opening to the infinite possibilities ahead. For example, "I have cancer?! It can't be! I've lived such a healthy and loving life." The first part of this sentence is a fact, what follows is resisting the fact with "shoulds" which burdens this being with additional suffering and distracts from the realm of possibilities like healing, treatment options, mindful living for the time that's left, etc. One of my mentors, when faced with sudden unplanned dilemmas would engage his compassionate attention by says "This is happening"; I find using his simplicity in reality acceptance relieves me from emotional traps I might sink into should I resist the moment, and inspires the momentum needed to step into the next moment.

Concentric Communication

"When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. *******Listening is often more helpful than talking.******* But if you’re going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn’t, don’t say it."

To this article I'll add, people who are in the surrounding rings do need the freedom to vent, be angry, cry, question and fall apart. The person in the center of the original "crisis", needs to focus on healing, not diverting energy into taking care of or protecting others during their affliction. I suggest members of the concentric circles also create this web for their own process, and the center-person of the original affliction should NOT be in any other person's ring without explicit consent.

http://www.northtexasumc.org/2016/04/how-not-to-say-the-wrong-thing-in-death-illness-divorce-and-other-crises/