To increase interpersonal effectiveness structure your “ask” and “saying no” with this formula:
What you do:
Describe - facts only, watch out for judgements, assumptions and interpretations.
Express - state emotions with a classic “I” statements.
Assert - ask or say no, be very specific.
Reinforce - be sure to mention why your request or decline is going to benefit the other person and/or your relationship.
How you do it:
Mindfully - get away from distractions, focus only on this one conversation, stay in the moment and be mindful when thought or emotions from other conversations sneak in, let them go.
Appear confident - “fake it ‘til you make it” and be mindful of your posture, eye contact, tone and volume. Negotiate - know before you go in what you’re willing to compromise on and what is an absolute, allow the other person to negotiate to increase their “buy-in” to your plan.
WRITE THIS OUT AHEAD OF TIME AND DON’T BE AFRAID TO USE YOUR NOTES IF EMOTIONS AND WORRIES ARE HIGH.