Mara McGraw, MSW - Relational Mindfulness for individuals, couples & moresomes

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Combine the GIVE and FAST skills to DEAR MAN (see older blog post) to enhance your skillful attempts at interpersonal effectiveness. 

If your priority is the relationship - meaning how that person feels about you after the interaction, do they want to remain in a relationship with you and will they view you as reasonable and respectful - use the GIVE skill.
  • be Gentle - consider your words and tone
  • act Interested - stay awake, pay attention, make eye contact
  • Validate - their perspective and emotions
  • approach with an Easy manner - open body posture, relaxed stance

If your priority is your self respect - meaning how you feel about yourself after the interaction, regardless of the outcome you conducted yourself in a way that you feel comfortable and is aligned with your values - use the FAST skill.
  • be Fair - avoid ultimatums and black and white thinking, consider their side
  • no Apologies - stand your ground, avoid softening the blow with "I'm sorry, but..."
  • Stick to your values - know what's important to you, your limits and boundaries
  • be Truthful - no excuses, avoid avoiding, be straight forward and honest 

If your priority is obtaining your objective, either you've tried the other priorities without result or you're willing to sacrifice a little self respect and how the other persons feel about you, use only the DEAR MAN. 

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